i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
