Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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