oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
