They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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