You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
