i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
