"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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