Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Do ugly people know they are ugly?

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

The quiet ones do.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.

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(516): View more from New York

His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

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(210): View more from Texas

I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

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(514): View more from Quebec

maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...

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(407): View more from Florida

I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too

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(716): View more from New York

We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.

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