Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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