# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
