tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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