oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
