I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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