i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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