Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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