let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Less talking, more tequila
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
