you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
