im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
