but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
