I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize