My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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