I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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