A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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