Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
