All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
