if i can run in heels then i can drive
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
