okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
