No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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