Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
