Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
