just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
