when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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