I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
