She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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