I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
