I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
