Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
