When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
