my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize