if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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