There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
