That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
