Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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