you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
