Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
