Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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