I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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