As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
