I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's the barista slut.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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