I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
