If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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