you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
