Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
