so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
