I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
