She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
