Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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