Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
