Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
