hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my shit smells like andre
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
