I'm so fucking centered right now
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
