Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
